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I have been reading a great book, The Ascent of a Leader: How Ordinary Relationships Develop Extraordinary Character and Influence by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol and Ken McElrath (Jossey-Bass). In their book they discuss the issue of submission with regards to leaders.

Submission is a sticky issue. As a young believer I was associated with a circle of churches that stressed the issue of submission. Yet when submission was presented it was always in the context of wives submitting to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22). Like it or not, submission was communicated in such a way that produced the feeling of spiritual defeat in the lives of Christian women. Submission was equated with wives becoming a door-mat to the wishes and whims of their husbands. Interestingly enough, I never heard that line of thinking applied to verse 21, “submitting to one another in the fear of God.” The result of this line of thinking is to reduce submission to the lowest common denominator: Respect (wives toward husbands) and love (husbands toward wives).

 

The Ascent of a Leader presents an eye-opening concept of Biblical submission. The authors state:

 

True vulnerability is what the Bible means when it speaks of submission. Submission is a love word, not a control word. Submission means letting someone love you, teach you, or influence you. In fact, the degree to which we submit to others is the degree to which we will experience their love, regardless of how much love they have for us. Submission goes hand in hand with vulnerability. (Emphasis added)

 

When I begin to understand that submission is a love word, not a control word, Ephesians 5 begins to make sense. Submission is an issue of vulnerability. For a husband to love his wife, requires that he become vulnerable to her. For a wife to show respect to her husband requires that she become vulnerable to him. Both need to come to a place where they say to one another “I will let you love me. I will let you teach me. You can influence me.”

 

Its time to see submission as a love word.